As a teenager, this is all I hear most of the time. Everybody should try something new, or at the very least, drop everything you’re doing and do something unplanned because you’re supposed to “feel in the moment.” I’m sorry, but I just can’t. Spontaneity? SO not my thing.
I guess it all started when I was younger, (because let’s face it, everything started when you were younger) spontaneity is portrayed to be REALLY fun. Especially in cartoons and movies. I used to dream of one day leaving my house and doing something I have never dared to do before. I used to say all the time, that I would go on an adventure if the opportunity arises. But nothing ever came. No huge scale opportunity came and even though I’m still kind of…waiting for that, I’m thankful it still hasn’t come.
Suffice to say, I had a brush with some small-scale opportunities and tried to be all “spontaneously-gaga” over it, but it didn’t feel good towards the end. It didn’t make me feel all fun and exciting, it just made me wonder. What if I had carefully planned this until the very end, to the part where I get what I really want? What if my plan did go accordingly and I could have gotten something better than what I received out of being spontaneous? I guess for me, the prize is always better than the journey. I believe that once I put my all into something, I would get what I really want no matter what happens.
As I got older, I figured something out. I LOVED planning stuff. I could never do anything, or find the strength to do something if I don’t have a plan for it. I would make plans A, B, C and D. If something doesn’t go right, I would incorporate it into the plan and as long as I get my end goal, I’m happy. Also, it made me feel more relaxed. It made me feel in control.
Other than planning stuff, there is nothing more I love than having control. I just love the feeling of getting everything right in the end. Be it about my grades, my predictable family issues, or about the next action/behavior that person is going to take, I love knowing about it. I love bouncing my actions off of others, especially when they don’t have a single clue. (I see now how I can become an evil masterlord. WHAHAHA. Sorry, just came off watching Megamind lol.)
But of course, there is still that lingering feeling I’m missing out on something, I have friends that would always say, “You should be more spontaneous, Patricia. It’s a part of growing up.”
Sometimes, I let it get to me. That’s why I end up having my hair dyed to a color I have never dreamed of. That’s why I end up going to unfamiliar places. All these make me feel really uncomfortable. I quickly changed my hair color to something more suiting 2 days later, and I have never gone to places I haven’t, at least, researched about before. Doing something unplanned makes me regret something, and makes me waste a lot of money and time putting things back to the right “plan.”
—–> in just 2 days….
I seemed a very uptight person huh? Don’t worry, I’m not. I do a lot of “going with the flow” thing. And yes, that is totally different with being spontaneous. For me, its okay if things don’t go exactly the way I planned it to be. As long as I get what I planned to have in the end, everything is fine by me.
Just my personal thoughts 🙂
Thanks for reading!
- I’m a Bit of a Planner (revitalizingme.wordpress.com)
- Reflection: Meticulous Planning Vs. Spontaneity (whiterakogis.wordpress.com)
- Spontaneous waffle combustion (flamewaffle.wordpress.com)
- Spontaneous people live longer (sort of) (quitefranklee.wordpress.com)
- Spontaneity (everythinganne.wordpress.com)
- Spontaneity or Planning? (contemplatorme.wordpress.com)