Art and Science

artscienceI’ve always thought of myself as someone who was an art person. I’ve always considered myself an artistic person since I love creative writing. I would always make the choice of effortlessly typing my thoughts rather than memorizing a thousand Embryology terms for my free time. If I was to compare the two, I would always choose art. I’d say science is too hard, even if I’m a science student. Even if I dream of becoming a doctor someday, I’d still choose art any time of the day.

Well, that was before. Today is different. I’m taking this humanities art class at the University and my professor just asked me to describe what is art to me. My mind drew a complete blank. I discovered I knew nothing about art. I can’t draw, paint or design anything to save my life. I knew it was about expressing your thoughts and feelings and….is that it? Art is foreign to me. It’s like a language I knew about but never learned to understand.

So I regressed back to my science roots. This is my zone. I knew all about the different aspects of science, especially psychology and biology. I could explain the mechanism of the basic human functions in a heartbeat. I could tell you in a minute why that thing you’re about to eat is definitely good or not good for you. I could say why you’re feeling that way about a certain somehow and how it could have come from your mind and is now somatically affecting your physiological being. I learned how science has smeared itself on me.  I realized science was my foothold. It is hard. But it is something evident and I can understand.

Maybe, I could still combine art and science. I mean, the only thing that’s keeping me from going crazy from all the scientific terms I have to study is that I could still write my thoughts down on the back of my notebook. The only thing that helps me plan and think is my paper and pen. But don’t get me wrong. That’s the only artistic bone I have in me. I can’t draw ever since I was 5. My drawing/painting skills have stopped improving ever since kindergarten. If my professor asks us to draw something and finds a 5-year-old drawing in there, that’s probably mine.

Thanks for reading!

Patricia :*

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Spontaneity vs Planning

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VS.

Planning

“Be spontaneous!”

As a teenager, this is all I hear most of the time. Everybody should try something new, or at the very least, drop everything you’re doing and do something unplanned because you’re supposed to “feel in the moment.” I’m sorry, but I just can’t. Spontaneity? SO not my thing.

I guess it all started when I was younger, (because let’s face it, everything started when you were younger) spontaneity is portrayed to be REALLY fun. Especially in cartoons and movies. I used to dream of one day leaving my house and doing something I have never dared to do before. I used to say all the time, that I would go on an adventure if the opportunity arises. But nothing ever came. No huge scale opportunity came and even though I’m still kind of…waiting for that, I’m thankful it still hasn’t come.

Suffice to say, I had a brush with some small-scale opportunities and tried to be all “spontaneously-gaga” over it, but it didn’t feel good towards the end. It didn’t make me feel all fun and exciting, it just made me wonder. What if I had carefully planned this until the very end, to the part where I get what I really want? What if my plan did go accordingly and I could have gotten something better than what I received out of being spontaneous? I guess for me, the prize is always better than the journey. I believe that once I put my all into something, I would get what I really want no matter what happens.

As I got older, I figured something out. I LOVED planning stuff. I could never do anything, or find the strength to do something if I don’t have a plan for it. I would make plans A, B, C and D. If something doesn’t go right, I would incorporate it into the plan and as long as I get my end goal, I’m happy. Also, it made me feel more relaxed. It made me feel in control.

Other than planning stuff, there is nothing more I love than having control. I just love the feeling of getting everything right in the end. Be it about my grades, my predictable family issues, or about the next action/behavior that person is going to take, I love knowing about it. I love bouncing my actions off of others, especially when they don’t have a single clue. (I see now how I can become an evil masterlord. WHAHAHA. Sorry, just came off watching Megamind lol.)

But of course, there is still that lingering feeling I’m missing out on something, I have friends that would always say, “You should be more spontaneous, Patricia. It’s a part of growing up.”

Sometimes, I let it get to me. That’s why I end up having my hair dyed to a color I have never dreamed of. That’s why I end up going to unfamiliar places. All these make me feel really uncomfortable. I quickly changed my hair color to something more suiting 2 days later, and I have never gone to places I haven’t, at least, researched about before. Doing something unplanned makes me regret something, and makes me waste a lot of money and time putting things back to the right “plan.”

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  Hair of gold.

   —–> in just 2 days….

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Classy blood-red.

I seemed a very uptight person huh? Don’t worry, I’m not. I do a lot of “going with the flow” thing. And yes, that is totally different with being spontaneous. For me, its okay if things don’t go exactly the way I planned it to be. As long as I get what I planned to have in the end, everything is fine by me.

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Just my personal thoughts 🙂

Thanks for reading!

Patricia :*

The Rainbow in our Lacklustre Routines

12353883-human-imagination-and-creative-man-as-the-intelligent-brain-with-a-front-facing-human-head-that-hasMy art professor asked us to make a one-page paper on

“Is art a product of imagination or experience?”

Now, the common sense answer, of course, would be both. But the twist is to only choose one and to back it up with reasonable explanations. I think choosing imagination has been properly justified by my paper, doesn’t it?

Without imagination, art would be a soulless, dull piece of work. I am choosing imagination as the source of art. For me, imagination is the sweet release of many people when they are sucked into the routines and grinds of daily lives. To take away imagination from a person’s life is like taking away a very precious organ from the human body. Let me explain why in two ways.

First: The reason art can’t depend on experience as its main source. – There are young artists being recognised everywhere, be it in music or literature industry or any form of arts, young people are being acknowledge as artists. Where do they get their inspiration to create their artworks? Surely, not from experience. They are too young to have experienced everything, but they still produce work that could encompass a whole array of emotions, events and adventures. How about fantasy and sci-fi authors and artists? I, for one, believe that they get their inspiration about unicorns, aliens and mystical beasts from their imaginations. They couldn’t have really experienced going to a magical school and learning magic to become a witch or a wizard right?

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Second: Imagination is a free world. – When creating artworks, I believe artists open their minds and dip into the unknown and the unfamiliar. It is only the imagination that could do this. It is rare to discover new and extraordinary things in the continuous humdrum of daily lives, so people often stay within their comfort zones and do what they KNOW how to do almost all their lives. No one dares to go out for the fear of failure and when the fear of losing the chance to go back to their comfort zone looms over them. In imagined worlds, you can do everything. You can have everything. You can create the perfect stories and construct the impeccable artworks that would express what you can never express using mundane real world concepts. You can fascinate the audience with captivating impressions of your mind-blowing imagination.

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You are standing in a open field west of a white house, with a boarded front door. There is a mailbox here. (Did you just picture that? – Imagination 😉 )

Thanks for reading,

Patricia :*

Sunday Dates

Ahh, what I coincidence! I am now writing this on a Sunday morning. Well, if you consider 4:30 am to be ‘morning.’ I couldn’t sleep and so I decided to write something about Sundays. Recently, Renz and I had a lot of Sunday dates. These past few weeks, ever since he got the permission to drive alone, he has been picking me up at home and taking me out almost every week. You could say this might be a major advancement in our relationship. We used to have a hard time setting up dates cause both of us are lazy asses when it comes to commuting around the city, or just to the nearest mall. We used to have at least one date every two months or so. So yeah, going out every sunday for the past month is definitely a major thing.

This was the first time Renz picked me up from school, we’re on the way to my house.

I got a picture of his first time to fetch me! :)

I got a picture of his first time to fetch me! 🙂

When the weekend came, that Sunday was particularly like this one. Rainy, cloudy and non-stop downpour. But that didn’t stop Renz from picking me up from my house and driving down to Banawe. Unfortunately, I remember that was the weekend before all those suspension of classes last August. It was raining so hard we couldn’t see the road anymore. When we saw Tea Rock had empty parking spaces, I suggested we go there while we wait for the rain to stop.

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This was our first time in Tea Rock. We pass by the place most of the time but its always fully packed, and its really hard to find a place to park.

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Can you guess which one is mine? 🙂

They offer a variety of milk teas and some dishes that looks quite good. However, we only got the chance to order drinks because we just came from Everything at Steak at the time. Even if the rain kind of dampened on our parade, this date was remarkably memorable to me. It was the first time Renz picked me up from my house and drove me home after that. 🙂

That following Sunday, Renz arrogantly called me up again and said he wanted to eat lunch outside. HAHA. So I suggested Cafe Monaco and 20 minutes later, he’s on my porch steps.

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We looooove the food in Cafe Monaco, it’s been one of our favorite places to eat ever since. It’s a quaint little cafe near the corner of Banawe and Retiro St. We have been going there ever since high school, especially me. I discovered this place with my best friends. 🙂

The next Sunday, it was me who had a hankering for food. I remembered this was the weekend before hell week (the week were all the profs cram every quiz, every lesson in mind so to ‘prepare’ us for the finals). My mind was going crazy from all the papers I had to write (7) and all the trigbio (trigonometry for bio majors) I had to memorize. Here comes Renz to the rescue.

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NERD MODE! 😀

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Banawe’s newly built Ersao.

Ok, since we both hailed from the same high school, we both had the same liking for this place called Ersao. Ersao started as a little food stall in our school’s village and it grew to the enterprise it is now. So when a franchised store opened in Banawe, it became our hang out place. Mostly because, it’s the only tea place that offers that green tea beverage I’m drinking. (No sugar!)

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My nerd shot.

And this is the week before finals. Gahh look at those eye bags! We went to Krispy Kreme, where I cheated off my diet. We also had dinner with half of his family that night. I really didn’t expect that turnaround at all, but I definitely had fun and learned a lot of things about Renz from his mom. 🙂

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Just this week 🙂

Just this Friday, after my meeting with an event committee, Renz informed me that he wasn’t able to go to the gym. Instead, he wanted to go out for some steaks. Oh, growing boys and their stomachs. 😀 So we went to Everything at Steak. This resto offers, as of this post and to my knowledge, the most affordable steaks in town. Its even coupled with side dishes!

Anyway, next time I’m going to make a comprehensive review and blog about these restos. We go to these places so often, I’m not used to taking pictures of places I’ve been to anymore. 🙂

The reason I made this post is because I need more date ideas! All we do is eat or watch movies, we certainly have to mix things up. What can be a good and easy way to make a date fun? :*

Thanks for reading,

Patricia :*

Places we went to: Tea Rock, Cafe Monaco, Ersao, Krispy Kreme, Everything at Steak.

See if your Dreams… are now a part of your Reality.

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It’s so easy to dream because the hard part always comes after – how to make that dream come true. It’s exhausting when you try and you work to give it your all, but life just persists on smacking you back down. There will come a time when you forget what your goal is and you just concentrate on the painstaking journey you have to make. Life complicates itself, piles up on you more and without meaning to do it, you forget your dream. You solve other obstacles, you fight everyday for your existence and you aim for new dreams daily.

Years ago, it was a sensitive topic with Renz when it comes to his driving skills. He badly wanted to drive ever since he got his license. He knew how but he wasn’t given the permission. With that, it became a delicate topic to talk about. Whenever I ask about it he gets mad, as if he knows it’s a failure on his part. We rarely talked about it and avoided the subject at all cost. We forgot about it. We lived our lives without even mentioning it. One day, he called me. He said he was gonna pick me up and accompany me home from school. I didn’t believe it. I knew he was making slow progress with finally getting permission but I didn’t expect him to be driving around on his own anytime soon. I have never seen him on the wheel and I told him I don’t believe he was even capable of driving a car.

“To see is to believe,” I told him. “Stop making promises about bringing a car when you know it’s quite impossible.” (We talked about the chances of him ever getting the opportunity to drive around on his own, and knew it was close to nil).

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(Not taken the same day)

But it happened. Renz showed up with a car. Alone. He was really driving it. On paper, this might look like a dream come true. But in real life, I just nodded and said, “Wow you’re really doing it.” Its not like this was the ultimate dream we both had at that time. We were preoccupied with a lot of different individual aspects of our lives that this was just a small win on his and my part. We just smiled and talked about how he finally did it and concentrated on the road.

We forgot about all those times, when we would have given anything just to have a car because it was raining and we have to look for other ways to get home. We have to take all kinds of commute when we go on dates. We forgot how hard it was to be with crowded people and line up in the longest lines.

We just went with the flow. We accepted that this is happening right now and failed to remember that dream. The strongest desires of that moment. We didn’t realize it at that time, but we were living in one of our dreams. I felt like we didn’t give the importance of the moment a chance.

You realize you’re in some place you didn’t plan to be in, you wonder about how you got there, but it all ends well. After all, you still have your basic needs; you are still blessed in some areas. You forgot about what you dreamt at that time, what was significant at that time. You simply let it flew away.

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Nonetheless, sometimes you have to check the little things. Sometimes, you have to look at the big picture to see the small details. Because suddenly, without realizing it, you might just be there.

3 years ago, I made a contract agreement with myself. I listed down five things I should accomplish within a year and gave myself a very strict deadline. I wrote to my poor, insecure self about all the things I thought would help me at that time.

See that? I was practically shouting that I can hear myself from 3 years ago.

See that? I was practically enunciating every letter that I can hear myself from years ago.

Of course, #1 was shedding my overweight (bounding on obese) self. #2 was about being smart and studying well. #3 was trying to write well and actually publish something worthy of value. #4 was getting rid of my stupid distractions. #5 was focusing on internal locus, like controlling my happiness, instead of external locus (letting other things control my emotions and perceptions).

I intentionally wrote harsh words to push myself to tackle these goals. I really wanted EVERYTHING on that list. It’s like I was telling myself to grow up for the first time. And I knew those five things would help me become the ultimate version of myself. I was sad, alone and really stuck in a bad part of my life. Freshman year in college was beating the hell out of me. I needed to pull myself out of that hell hole. For about a week, I kept rereading them. After a month, I placed it in my wallet, hoping to remind me all the time. After another month, it was gone from memory. The sad thing was, I was so overwhelmed with everything that was happening, no piece of paper could have saved me from where life was bringing me. I had a new dream everyday, and everyday I would forget the old ones.

Fast forward to now, I was cleaning my room and saw an old purse filled with old memorandums. I opened this old crunch-up paper and was taken by surprised. 3 of the things in that list have now been fulfilled. I don’t remember when, I don’t even remember why because I have forgotten about those dreams. I remember the journey towards the things I have accomplished but I never realized they were my exact dreams 3 years ago. I did not pine for them everyday and told myself I would stick to that list. So imagine my amazement when I checked off 3 wishes in that list. I realized I am living in my past self’s dream.

The goal took a backseat, the main thing became – how to conquer this next set of obstacles. Then at some point, between all the clashing dreams and the never-ending problems, it just happened. Look around. Some of your long time dreams and old wishes might have come true. Some of them are now a part of your reality. Did you wish you had a puppy when you were little? Didn’t you wanted that medal hanging on your wall 3 years ago? So appreciate them. Immerse yourself in them. Imagine yourself years ago when you were just dreaming of this moment. You’re actually living the dream. Well, that particular dream. When they say, “Appreciate the little things,” they also meant, ‘Don’t forget the little and the old dreams and try to live a bit more in the present.’

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Thanks for reading!

Patricia :*

Vikings SM North Edsa – Review

For Renz’s birthday, we went to Vikings last Sunday, Sept. 8, to celebrate it. As I had promised, here is the review of our experience at Vikings SM North Edsa. 

The first time we visited Vikings was when it was still brand new and its only branch was located near MOA. During that time, I made sure to make reservations because I heard of the long lines ‘walk-in’ people had to endure. But this time around, I didn’t have enough time because I wasn’t even sure we were going in the first place. It was exactly 11am when we arrived, and we were already number 30 on the waiting list (for the walk-ins) to be seated. When they opened the place, the people with reservations went in first and the walk-ins followed after. It wasn’t such a long wait, about 10 mins or so, and our number was called. What’s important here is, you have to be THERE when they call you or else your number will be forfeited and you’ll have to go back to the last of the line again.

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Another thing is, I’m not sure about this though, but it’s noteworthy to arrive in big groups. You will certainly get the best seats in the house. I’ve been to Vikings twice and at both times, I only had Renz for company. So two people means, you only get the small table and two chairs. Now this isn’t that much of a big deal, except all their tables reserved for only two people are either in the back of the restaurant or some far away place from the buffet stations. The walk you’ll have to do back and forth ALL the food stations is long enough that you’ll have to start picking at your plate of food before you even get to your seat. It’s a really big place and they totally made sure they get the value of the whole place.

On to the food!

Mah first plate of food!

My first plate of food!

Immediately after being seated, we grabbed plates and started to fill them with food. Now with so many selections, I always have a motto for these buffets. That is: 1) to only fill my stomach with those I haven’t tried before and to only try a morsel of it. 2) DON’T try to get what you’re already used to. and 3) Get some of your MOST favorites, but only SOME. So here, my favorites include the okonomiyaki, ebi tempura and onion rings (which wasn’t that great). The other things, I haven’t tried before. I don’t remember all their names though, I was busy browsing through more than 10 buffet stations to keep up.

2nd plate of yumminess.

2nd plate of yumminess.

Anyone who knows me will know that I have always been a sucker for salmon sashimi. And anyone who knows Renz will know he is a sucker for steak. I had about 2 plates of salmon sashimi and I think that made the buffet price worth it already. HAHA. But Renz had more than 2 plates of these steaks. The grilling station had one of the longest lines because they cook it for you while you wait. I like my steaks cooked medium-rare and Renz’s likes it medium-well. The best they had to offer was ribeyes and australian beefs of some kind. Delectables found in this plate are: Calamares, lasagna, salmon and ika sashimi, steaks and different kinds of sauce offered for it.

Japanese Cuisine for me!

Japanese cuisine for me!

The best cuisine suited for my taste buds has always been Japanese. I don’t know why but when it comes to buffets, I always make a beeline for the sushi and the sashimi. Of course, I only tried those that looked different to me and those I haven’t taste-tested before. So you won’t find any california maki here, no sir. Since I’m chinese and I usually eat at chinese restaurants, I never made it to the chinese food section. I didn’t taste any of the dim sum or any of that sweet and sour pork. They are too common for my tongue. But Renz had some of the hakaws (shrimp dumplings) and said they were delicious. So try them! The baked oysters are located in the most far away station from our table but I made sure to get some. I actually had to wait for the waiters to bring out some more, because as soon as a new batch arrives, its gone in a minute. So when you visit, make sure to try them too. They aren’t that great in texture actually, I even felt some tiny rocks in them, but they do taste great in terms of the ‘cheesiness.’

Cool isn't it?

Cool isn’t it?

SUKIYAKI! <3

SUKIYAKI ❤

They had a food station for soup and offered a variety of it. It’s for request and they will bring the whole pot to your table. Unfortunately for us, our table was small and this cool thing had to be placed at the edge of it. But nonetheless, I found this to be very convenient. This way the soup can be kept boiling while it cooks and when we didn’t want to finish it all in one sitting, it’s still piping hot. Renz and I are suckers for sukiyakis, too. 😀

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Desserts – plate of heaven sweetness

As I said before, don’t try something ordinary. So no fruity desserts for me or chocolate mousse. Go for the gold and those that looks appetizing for your palette. I’m in love with anything red velvet as you can see. So here are some red velvet crinkles (NOT recommended), a small slice of red velvet cake (RECOMMENDED), the famous cronuts and a small slice of white fudge cake. I loved their red velvet cake, I even had to go back for seconds. But it was the cronuts that Renz fell in love with. I think he had six of those bite size half croissants and half donuts. The white fudge cake was alright.

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Green and Blue 😉

Imagine my disappointment when I discovered the green colored ice cream was NOT green tea. I really thought it was matcha green tea flavored. It was avocado all along. But it was alright, I can really taste the avocado in it. The blue colored one is bubblegum flavored. The waiter didn’t asked me if I wanted them in separate bowls, he just dumped two scoops of each when I told him I wanted the green one and the blue one. Weirdly, they tasted great together! Don’t forget to try these desserts too!

All in all, we had a great time at Vikings SM North Edsa. Except for a few pointers here and there, the experience is almost the same as the one in MOA. Well, the one in MOA is bigger and offers more variety of food. But what I love here is that this branch is nearer to us and its inside the mall. That way, you don’t have to wait outside the venue, unlike the one in MOA (especially when it’s really hot outside).

By the way, prices ~ prices 🙂

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Thanks for reading,

Patricia :*

The Brunt of Being the Eldest Child

I bet a lot of people can relate when I say responsibility falls on the eldest child the heaviest. I’m the oldest of four children in my family and I can really say this is true for me. I’m not saying this applies to all firstborn, but in my perspective, this ‘role,’ among my many others, is the brunt I have no choice but to carry on with. It’s something I can never escape. Others might have greatness thrust upon them, well, I had being the eldest on my shoulder the moment I was born. There are a few pros and cons when it comes to being the first child, but recently, I’ve found out, I’ve used up all the pros when I was younger and I’m left with nothing but the cons.

PROS:

  • You’re always the BOSS.
    • When you have as many or more siblings as I have you can relate when I say you can get away with pretty much everything when you want something with, “I’m the oldest right? You HAVE to listen to me.”
  • Parent’s guinea pig.
    • Every parent out there was once a single person with no children. That goes without saying, and not all of them buy into the marketing crap about manuals on how to be parents. Some believe that parenting is just instinctual and goes along with every twist and turn of it. Therefore, hello, first child. That’s why there are pictures of small children clad in weird costumes outside, and it’s not even Halloween. But also, we are given much more because of this trial run. Of course, they are more equipped when it comes to the next ones.
  • No hand-me-downs.
    • Never had any problems with these. Everything you want and everything you need will, and always will be, brand new. EXCEPT when you have older cousins, and your aunt just insists you have their hand-me-downs. Poor you.
  • Undivided Attention.
    • Who doesn’t want to hold the new baby, or the new grandchild, who doesn’t know his/her name? Even relatives from far away will always know the first child’s first name. People would be calling me by my first name when we have family reunions. I don’t even know who they are. They just keep pinching my cheeks and saying my name. When I got a bit older, there was a lot of times where my mom would greet this person I have never seen before in my life and they would know my name, compliment me, but they would just nod when my mom introduce my sisters. It’s clear they would never remember their names except for mine.
They all know me... JUST ME.

They all know me… JUST ME.

  • Get Anything We Ask For.
    • The eldest child usually has more leeway. I got later curfews, more permission to go out and a bigger allowance up until high school. All just because I’m ‘older.’ There is a three-year gap between my sister and I, so my allowance was always double compared to hers.
  • Holy Grail of Advice.
    • Since we got there first, the eldest child’s opinion and pieces of advice always matter. Especially to the younger ones. Knowing what’s already in store for them sets my word apart from other opinions. When I talk about my experiences, my sisters always listen. It just gets a bit annoying when they constantly need my advice on EVERYTHING. And they start to copy everything I do…
  • Leadership Abilities.
    • The eldest child is often thrust into the limelight so early on they develop leadership abilities. They are often seen leading a group instead of just blindly following. They tend to be more outspoken when it comes to ideas and then try to make everyone’s ideas combine into one so they could make it work. I’m always the one thinking of the ‘short plays’ we can make when its someone’s birthday. I used to collect a fair share amount of money just to buy our dad a really, really big birthday cake when I was 11 or 12. I sought help from my sisters to make a huge anniversary card for our parent’s anniversary and then put all our names in it.
Really? LOL :)

Science backs us up! 😀

  • Epitome of Being the Ultimate.
    • In other words, always show a good example. That’s what I always need to do. Don’t make mistakes. It feels right when my mom or dad would tell my sisters, “Why can’t you be more like your older sister?” Of course, it feels like a chest stab when I sometimes hear the opposite. “Don’t be like your sister, what she did was wrong.” I was always compelled to defend my actions with logic…or sometimes sarcasm, even though I knew I was really wrong. Just so my sisters won’t see me in a bad light.
  • Gatekeeper for your younger siblings.
    • “Take care of your sisters.” That’s the last thing my mom or my dad would always tell me when we leave for school, when they call me up on the phone, or when they are going out without us. So naturally, when boys hang out with my sisters, I investigate. When they don’t do their assignments, I shout at them until they do. And when they make a pretty big mess out of everything, I help them clear the mess and then go tell my parents who broke the vase. Hey, not EVERYTHING has to fall on me right?

Now that you’ve read (or hopefully skimmed?) through my pros, the next parts are my cons. These are sometimes the opposites of the pros, and some are the extensions.

CONS:

  • Neglected.
    • As you get older, the attention becomes divided, this is inevitable. The cuter and smaller babies will come. But of course, the responsibilities for you never stop piling up.
  • “Ought to know better.”
    • Oh, how I hated these words. My sisters and I were playing, and then we didn’t stop when we were being called for dinner. When my mom finally went up the stairs and dragged us down to eat, guess who had received a mouthful of “You ought to know better?” We were all there, we were all playing, the four of us, but I was the only who got shouted at. The eldest child is expected to be the mature one as soon as the younger ones messed up. Even if, the eldest child is, without considerations, still a child.
  • You’re supposed to know everything. – (consequences of  being ‘you’re older!’)
    • There will come a time when you’re being asked something and you don’t know the answer to it. There’s a new subject being taught in the lower grade and your sister is asking you for help. Cause you know, you’ve been there, you’re supposed to know about it right? WRONG. When you can’t answer, it’s either you dismiss them by saying you’re ‘busy and go disturb other people’ or face embarrassment and tell them, “I don’t know, try googling it?”
  • Responsible for everybody’s mistake.
    • The “Where were you?” syndrome – Oops, your sister broke your mom’s favorite perfume bottle when you were sleeping in your room, across the house. When your mom comes home, she sees it and asks you about it. When you say that you don’t know, that it might have been your sister, that it was not you…The great and mighty question that WILL make you feel responsible for it is, “WHERE WERE YOU?!” As if I should have been on my sisters’, four of my sisters, watch 24/7.
  • The Messenger when parent’s fight.
    • Has anyone ever experienced this? Usually, when my parents fight and they need to let each other sign or tell something, it’s always the eldest child who they look for. No one cares if that particular child has bags of homework to do, or exams to study for. It is absolute that I should be the messenger because ‘I’m the only one who can do it. My sisters are either too young (they’re not), too irresponsible (maybe if you give them more responsibilities), or too busy (how about me?).”
  • Help with the family – financially or not, at an early age.
    • I don’t think this is an understatement. The eldest child is pressured to help around the house. They feel guilty when they’re the only ones who can see their parents suffering, so some children sacrifice their childhood just to provide or at least babysit or make dinner for the family.
  • Surrogate parent.
    • When one parent is sick, or both are not around, the eldest child is to stand in their place. It’s not a command by their parent, it’s just something we’re compelled to do.
  • Bearer of all commands.
    • Just like the messenger bit, its like I’m the only one they see around the house. As soon as my dad gets home, he orders me to get him a cold drink of water. My mom orders me to reheat the food, then both of them orders me to get them this and get them that.
  • Pressure to live up to parent’s expectations.
    • This is the pressure to become absolutely flawless. You have to become perfect. “Remember you are an example to your sisters, whatever you do, good or bad, will set as an example for them.’ This is what I have to listen to every once in a while.
  • Nothing seems to satisfy your parents when it comes to you.
    • Remember that undivided attention? When you have brothers and sisters, it will be divided until you are left with almost none. So you fight for attention, and since they’re expectations from you is so damn high, you always have to be better than the best.
  • Superiority Complex.
    • When everything is placed on your shoulders and you know you’re handling them pretty well, or at least well enough, you can develop this complex. But this is a bad thing because you might overshadow your siblings. As we grow up, it’s not anymore about bossing them around and dismissing them when they need me. Its becoming more of an adult situation. They need respect and encouragement too. I hate making them feel inferior to me while also accomplishing my obligations as the eldest. I sometimes hide my achievements, so they won’t have to feel like failures when they don’t achieve something to that degree.
  • Take care of the siblings all the time.
    • This is kind of a trade-off. In one hand, I’m always in the know. I know what’s happening with my siblings’ lives and they tell me all their secrets. But at the same time, it’s also bothersome. It’s not like I can take care of them ALL THE TIME. I have a life too. And no one seems interested in taking care of mine. When my dad calls, he makes sure I KNOW where my sisters’ whereabouts are before we go home after school. He rarely asks about my whereabouts, I HAVE to tell him myself. The life of the responsible, eldest child is hard.
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TAKE CARE OF THEM. ALL THE TIME.

  • Always expected to ‘understand.’
    • This is the best and worst part of being the eldest child for me. I am always expected to ‘understand.’ Understand that I have to make sacrifices when no one wants to do the job. Understand that I have to suffer for someone else. Understand that I have to take care of everybody while my siblings only take care of their own lives. For example, there’s a huge pile of dirty dishes in the sink that needs washing. We’re almost all grown-ups now and my mom asks one of us to clean it up. Of course, no one wants to waste their time doing it. So no one reacts, until I give up and do it myself. Sometimes, I don’t even have to wait to see if someone wants to do it, because I know I’ll eventually HAVE to do it myself. Once again, I have to ‘understand.’

The thing is, with being the eldest child, all of this comes with the position. Its only up to you whether you will agree to it or not. I have seen some firstborn who are lazy and uncaring towards their siblings and their families. I guess these are the ones who gave up on the responsibilities and the expectations. All of this falls to the next person in line. The second child. I wrote this as a guide for those who are like me, tired but not complaining. We didn’t know it came with being the eldest, but as we grow up, we slowly realize that it’s both a blessing and a curse. Also, it feels nice to see them on paper, all laid out. This feels like what we’ve been doing all alone has a purpose. The eldest children are the independent ones, and a lot of people are dependent on us. In other words, THEY NEED US. 🙂

Thanks for reading,

Patricia :*